Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
