First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
