I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
