found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
