I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
