I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
