wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
