I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
