I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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