her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dignity is for republicans.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
