Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
