That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
