so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
