Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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