how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
