somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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