I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
