Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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