I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
