Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
