She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
