We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
