both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
