why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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