He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
