Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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