I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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