Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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