after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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