a search helicopter?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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