Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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