its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
