He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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