So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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