sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
