erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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