sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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