my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
