Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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