There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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