True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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