It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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