It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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