WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
