i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
