i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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