Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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