Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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