i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
