I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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